Today, many people hold the philosophy that "I am who I am and I will not change myself to fit in/please those around me". Those people hold conformists in distain. When, long ago, someone called me a 'typical asian wannabe', I was most annoyed about the 'typical' part. I didn't like the idea of me being a 'typical' anything.
I recently read a blog entry, with someone writing a short treatise on conformatism... so, I have decided to give my two cents worth.
If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity. - Bruce Vaughan
In chatting with a friend recently, she told me that there was no such thing as 'free speech'. You may say what you like, and perhaps Voltaire will even defend to the death your right to say it... but say the wrong thing, and people could well sue you for defamation. Yes, true, defamation is wrong, and should be illegal. But the same applies to racist comments, and publications that inflame a group for the same of inflaming (here, I am thinking of the anti-muslim cartoons). However, when these occur, people say things like "these comments need to be brought to the open so we can debate them, because free speech is so important". Seems like it's not 'free speech', but rather 'free speech' within boundaries... or "free speech as long as you say what I don't mind hearing".
Here, I am digressing. But, if 'free speech' is really a myth, what about 'be yourself and no-one else?"
Our charactistics are a product of our upbringing and culture. This is a recognised view-point in our society. I am Christian, but I cannot tell if I would have ever become a Christian if I never left China. So, what is this 'our self' that we are supposed to be? With my friends, I am talkative and assertive. In my family, I am less so because I am with my parents and also because all of us has overpowering personalities, and as the milder one of the lot, I give in. When am I being 'myself'? My parents may be slightly surprised at my demeanor when I am with my friends, does mean that I am putting on an act for my parents? But surely not - for the last 19 years I have lived with my parents and I have never seen a need to 'act'. I don't put on an 'act' for my friends either - most has known me for years and years, and new friends I meet get to know me pretty fast.
The liberty of the individual must be thus far limited; he must not make himself a nuisance to other people. - John Stuart Mill
What J. S Mill meant was that, as much as we live in a 'free' society, our freedom is still necessarily limited. In otherwords, we are forced to 'conform' to a standard. We can say that we will be 'ourselves' - but we are so molded and affected that it feels wrong not to conform. (I am sorry, all you nonconformists out there... we humans are a social animal.) I take, for instance, a cocktail party. I don't feel comfortable in those dresses - I worry that my bad skin shows up or that I look fat. But I will never front up to my company's Christmas party (for example), wearing jeans and sneakers. I also don't have a partner to go with, which will also make me stick out like a pin.
Whether we like it or not, in different situations, people expect different things from us and we know we should conform. When one friend told me about his break-up, I thought it was pretty funny and nearly laughed. (It was just a funny situation, that's all!) However I kept my composure and managed to say "I am sorry". Living with the 'I will just be me and you can deal with it' ideology simply does not work.
When I was younger, I decided that I will be 'myself' (an ill-defined act of defiance against being 'someone else'). So I made a point of being 'myself' ... and because I preferred boyish stuff, I decided that girlish stuff was 'not me'. Of course, then I'd embarrass myself when I secretly admire someone's hair-accessory... As I grew older I realised there is no 'myself', that it is fluid and always changing. I was atheist, now I am Christian. I thought of myself as independant even though I depended upon my parents. Now, I have my own income and way of transport but daily I appreciate my parents more and more and not a day goes by without me praying to God for help.
If you have read this far, you would have formed your own opinions. By acting differently according to circumstance, am I a conformist? I don't see myself as one, but you may decide differently. I still like to dress up once in a while for a party, but I make a point of wearing comfortable shoes and no makeup. It's not "me being me", I just have no idea how to use make-up. In my everyday life I try to be like Christ, which is a form of conformitism, but day by day I fail. They say - "be true to who you are" - but I question the validity of that advice. So, do not conform to non-conformitism.
By the way if you have read this far I would like to thank you. Please leave a comment.
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3 comments:
Hrm.
What can I say about conformity?
I've had my share of it, we all have.
We grew up with conformity, it was there when we were young and it will rule us with an iron fist until we croak it.
How so?
Conformity is NOT being teased and bullied in the schoolyard. Conformity is NOT sneared upon by other members of society. Conformity is NOT sticking out like an ADHD kid in a library. Conformity is NOT having people stare when you walk the street.
Conformity is following the rules like a obedient civilian.
Conformity is survival.
Oh but what a blow to creativity! What a kick to individualism! What a devious downfall to your soul!
Alas yes. But I repeat, conformity is survival. Thus we lack non-conforming non-conformitist. Theory is, if you're going to f--- conformitism, it's best to do it in groups. Lest you die sooner.
But....
wait....
individual personalities. Everybody is different and special in their own little ways.
We've got pieces that make us who we are and not that person down the street right?
.....
Negative.
.....
There is a reason why those little annoying chain letters of 'what type of fish are you?' sometimes ring true.
Haven't you done one of those 'You are a Gemini, hence you have so and so personality' quiz? Or those which of A) B) or C) describes you best quiz.
Silly aren't they? But....why is it that SOME of the 'results' ring true? Are all Gemini's out there social creatures, who seem to give out false personas to the world, only to show your 'true face' to your close friends?? Why, there must be millions of Gemini's out there- are you saying that I'm... essentially one of THEM? Without even trying?
Without even conforming?
Hey wait! Everybody does that! Everybody gives out an impression which resembles a pufferfish. (I.e. hiding our vulnerable side, showing the world our assets.)
In my opinion people are the SAME.
Not in the sense that we are all Humans, but everybody follows some sort of basic unsaid rule of personality. We click the same. We learn our lessons (at the very core) the same way. Some may take longer, some may take different paths, but in the end the lesson is the same.
A different metaphor: We are all trees in the forrest. Yes, different species of trees, some taller and some more beautiful. But... all trees.
So....
What's the conclusion?
There is no such thing as conformitism. We are all just being ourselves. The everchanging individual. And in essence, we are everybody else.
As for freedom of speech?
Sigh. We are living in an pollitically incorrect world. People need to chill.
Seriously.
lol well i read that far so i guess i better comment :P (another reason to procrastinate!)
mmm conformity...the world would be such a boring place if we all conformed.
I think each individual has something unique to offer. I really can't agree that we're all the same...coz I don't believe that we are. If people were the same, then the world might be full of murderers or whatever....but that's definitely not the case!
Conformity is essentially up to the individual...to conform or not to conform? That is the question! I guess each of us conform to a 'certain degree' eg. perhaps the same taste in music as our friends or social standards (not turning up to a party dressed like a dag!). The extent to how much we conform is definitely influenced by our peers/significant others. But...i think we still also have our uniqueness...whether we ever find/recognise it in ourselves or not, or whether other people see our uniqueness, it's there somewhere. Just waiting to blossom :)
Thanks for your comments guys. As usual, very interesting.
I think I can incorporate your two theories together into a unified theory of conformitism.
Like Taz says, we are all individuals. We like different colours and have different callings. However, despite being different, conformitism is survival. We are all individuals, but we forgo our individuality so that we may live and work with others in a civilised fashion.
What an ingenious theory from Sida! Actually, it was first coined by (I think) the philosopher Hobbes.
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