on how I committed the Original Sin

For a few days now, I have been praying to God for wisdom, so that He may open my eyes and my mind, so that I may know the question of life. As Douglas Adams put it, the answer to everything. In the Purpose-Driven Life, Rick Warren asks us the question: "how do you picture your life? Like a race? A competition?"... when I thought about this, it was evident: I saw life as a puzzle. Always discovering new pieces, always trying to make them fit, a puzzle that frustrates my intelligence. Thus, I prayed for God to open my eyes and my brain: "God, show me your secrets."

Last night, I prayed to God again, and an inner voice (my bible study leader would probably call it God speaking) asked: "What exactly do you want to know?"

It took a while for me to come up with the exact response: "I want to know how all the pieces fit together. The reason for everything. The reason for my sufferings, why the world is the way it is, why things in history happened the way it did. I want to know how it will all end: what Your divine plan is for the world, and for me personally. I want to know the beginning and the end." And I realised that I wanted to know what only God knows. Put more precisely (and more damningly) I wanted wisdom like God. How could I have thoughts and desires like these? So wrong, so ridiculously impossible, so damning!

In Genesis, in the garden of Eden, the Original Sin. The serpent promised the woman that the fruit would bring her wisdom, and she would be like God. (Genesis 3:4-6) She fell for this temptation, and so had I.

I wanted wisdom, but not for a bad reason, really. I wanted the wisdom to communicate the gospel accurately (and persuasively) to my friends, I wanted to feel closer to God, and I wanted it all to make sense. But perhaps, I don't need wisdom to be close to God, after all, he sent his son do die for me, so it's not like I need to pass an exam. Perhaps it doesn't have to all make sense to my limited brain. All I really need to know is that I am in God's hands, that He sees further than me, and is much more organised. Perhaps I don't need Godly wisdom to convince my friends, all I need is to let God speak through me, and live a life that doesn't smear dirt on His name. Perhaps, one day, everything will be revealed, but for now, all I really need is the truth of the Gospel. This , although it sounds obvious, was something that I had to learn. People who have known Christ for longer would know this already, but as it were, I am but a 'baby christian'.

On an entirely different note, I have been going through some rough times this week. The UQ offer is still yet to come, and some family problems have also arisen, which I don't feel like disclosing here. I prayed to God that He make everything right, I read the bible for encouragement, but nothing came. I was still powerless to change my situation. My encouragement finally came today, in church, when I read, in 2 Corinthians 12:9 : 'But He said to me: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me.' Whatever I go through, His grace is sufficient for me, and His power will rest on me. Amen.